Damn Dirty Wahlberg

July 30, 2001

Rule the Planet.

I finally watched Planet of the Apes yesterday. Despite low expectations, I still found it massively disappointing. Much like Jurassic Park, it’s a basically a high budget b-movie. In that sense it’s still a bit of fun, especially much of the Ape action. On the other hand, you still have to sit through some tiresome dialogue and plot. If anything, I almost wish it were more over the top than it was. That and maybe some more wild monkey sex.

I don’t have a lot of input other than what’s already been said by everyone. I will mention that Mark Wahlberg’s big motivational speech to the humans was probably the worst I’ve ever heard. He probably couldn’t get me to go to the supermarket, much less to war against supersimian ape warriors. The speech went along the lines of “C’mon guys! We can do it. Let’s go.” Imagine that in a flat, whiny delivery and you get something less inspirational than the average Little League speech.

If you really, really must go see Apes (and it is a good big screen movie), try and go see it at the Mann Village in Westwood. Those guys leaned on the volume button wrong or something, because the volume was turned up way beyond the THX spec of 85db. The THX trailer in particular was bone-rattling, moving enough air with the subwoofers to make my the legs of my pants sway. Freaky cool.

Like most movies I find mediocre, Planet of the Apes made an assload of money this weekend. $69 million dollars.

Posted in Moving Pictures