1) Decora – Anything You Want EP – Spoon

Spoon covers Yo La Tengo. The verses sound like the Spoon and the white noise sounds like Yo La Tengo. Funny how that worked out.

2) 10am Automatic – Rubber Factory – The Black Keys

This is the official lead single for Rubber Factory and it’s as catchy and funky and happy a song can be while still feeling so fundamentally bluesy. I’m not sure how Auerbach does that overdubbed guitar solo in concert, but it brings the track to a roaring finish.

3) Rebellion (Lies) – Funeral – Arcade Fire

The whole album’s pretty phenomenal, but “Rebellion” is the track I rewind every time. There’s just something about those Cars-like synths and the slow anthemic build that take it to some otherworldly arena rock plateau that makes it completely irresistable.

4) Ain’t That Pretty at All – Enjoy Every Sandwich – The Pixies

I’m not sure if this is a lazy cover or if Warren Zevon’s songwriting is just that distinct, but even translated through Black and Deal, it still sounds exactly like Zevon. Zevon’s phrasings and rhythms just seem to come through no matter what.

5) Glacier – 010 – ulysses

Rob Schneider supposedly created ulysses because he wanted something dirtier than Apples in Stereo, while retaining that band’s pop sensibilities. On “Glacier,” Schneider succeeds in doing all that, all the while sounding like a lost Pavement b-side. I’m really excited about this release.

6) Write Me Back Fucker – Villa Villa Kula – Sleater-Kinney

This is one of S-K’s earliest releases, and it sounds it. It’s raw and bratty and not particularly great, a Bikini-Kill knock-off that would become sooooo much better just a few years later. Still, the track has the intensity and audacity of young kids that are willing to let their anger carry them until their brains catch up. Plus it’s called “WRITE ME BACK, FUCKER,” which I’m sure all of us has yelled at one point or another.

7) Leave It Behind – Call and Response – The Bangs

I got an e-mail a few months ago telling me that the Bangs were breaking up, with guitarist/singer Sarah Utter leaving Olympia for the warmer climes of L.A. In the scope of the music world, it was pretty minor news. I had real irrational love of the Bangs, a group that knocked out cheaptricky poppunk as well as anyone and never seemed to have anything to show for it. I miss ‘em now and forever.

8) Little Dawn – Shake The Sheets – Ted Leo/Pharmacists

In one interview, Ted Leo mentions that “‘Little Dawn’ is actually pretty ‘emo,’ in the sense that it’s emotional — not whiny genre music.” I think the ending coda runs on a little long, but I’m pretty sure it’s the Side A closer on the vinyl, which would explain that.

9) The Song Was Right – Early Morning Hymns – Old Canes

Fraction gave me this. It kind of came at me as ghetto Wilco, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

10) Love and War (11/11/46) – More Adventurous – Rilo Kiley

One of the few all out rockers on More Adventurous, Jenny Lewis is still able to maintain a roughness in her voice and a pleading sadness to her delivery. I’m not sure what the 11/11/46 is about though.

11) Galveston – All The Best – Glenn Campbell

I have NO IDEA why this got stuck in my head this month, but for a week I wanted to hear nothing but Jimmy Webb/Glenn Campbell songs. So it was “Galveston” and “Wichita Lineman” all week long. Gotta like a song where the lyric runs “and I clean my gun and dream of galveston,” with that cheesy string section. I mean, who dreams of Galveston anyway?

12) Imaginary Friends – Retriever – Ron Sexsmith

I have three or four Ron Sexsmith albums, and they all sort of sound the same. “Imaginary Friends” doesn’t sound significantly different from “Strawberry Blonde.” Sexsmith’s soothing voice makes it all better though. It makes it tolerable, at least.

13) We Will Become Silhouettes – Such Great Heights EP – The Shins

Subpop’s crosspromotional efforts with the Such Great Heights singles gave us this Shins cover of the Postal Service. It’s wildly different, not just from the original Postal Service track, but from most Shins material in general. They turned the Service’s nintendopop into a bluesgrass romp that’s just short a few jugs and washboards.

14) The Sporting Life – New – The Decemberists

The Decemberists have a knack for making everything really nerdy. Here, they take the shuffling beat from “Lust for Life” that Jet mined for a big hit and made a song about getting embarassed in gym class and getting dissed by his dad, girlfriend and coach at the same time. Not exactly the formula for a big hit, unless you’re courting nothing but nerds and geeks. Oh, I just remembered who I was talking about. Should be out this March as part of The Infanta album.

Posted in Mixtape 1 Comment »

So right before the movie, I really needed to pee.

This isn’t uncommon, for me or anyone else with a functioning excretory system, I’d imagine. Anyway it was early, I was still kinda groggy, I had the ipod blaring and I was pretty much in my own world. A world where I needed to go.

I elbowed the door open, turned the corner, twisted to the right… no urinals. Well that’s fucked up. All the stall doors are closed. Well that’s kinda fucked up too. Bathroom smelled nice though, that was different. Flowery, hint of vanilla? Maybe I’ll just wash my hands and check my hair while I wait… but um… there’s a girl at the sink. What’s she doing here?

Oh, wait.

Fuck.

I opened my mouth just slightly to say something witty that would let me leave with some dignity intact. No dice. Locked up. It was harder to be a smartass when you’re this far behind enemy lines, you know? I turned on my heel and walked out to find the little caballero’s room and I could hear her giggling in the background.

note: in future retellings of this story, I’ll probably finish with her laughing at me and me peeing in my pants, for maximum embarassment. I am a minstrel of humiliation.

Oh, and before Axel asks… nah, she wasn’t that hot. Maybe that will change in future retellings as well.

Posted in Endless Whining 1 Comment »

Overheard today during lunch:

Woman A: Girl, that happened to my cousin!
Woman B: What do you mean?
A: Her OVARIES, they was knocked LOOSE.
B: WHAT? That doesn’t sound right. What the?!?!
A: He knocked ‘em loose while they was doin’ it! Went to the doctor and everything.
B: How the…
A: They was young, they must not have been doin’ it right.

Remember kids, if you’re doing it right, your ovaries should remain intact and in place. There were about two seconds that I thought about googling “OVARY INJURY” but decided against it.

Posted in Eratta No Comments »

Literally. I must have slept in an awkward position because I woke up this morning and couldn’t turn my head left or right more than a few inches without a sharp stabbing feeling in the base of my neck. This has happened once before and went away in a day, so I’m not terribly worried.

That said, not being able to turn your head totally blows. I have virtually no peripheral vision, for one thing. For another, my head is in a semi-permanent tilt, like an inquisitive dog. The oddest thing is trying to go different directions. I first have to move my head a little bit to point me in the right direction, then I twist at my waist so my torso matches up and finally bring my hips around and start walking the right way. If I do it slowly enough, I look like Robocop. Linus told me I was like Michael Keaton’s Batman, turning my entire body just to face someone since my neck couldn’t twist. I prefer my nerd reference to his, but nerd lays in the eye of the beholder.

So anyway, I get through my day of work, walking like Robocop and talking to people like a retarded beast and head home. I’m about three feet outside my office when a woman points at me and yells “OH MY GOD, LOOK AT ALL THOSE BEES!” What? What the hell is she talking about? Then, I start seeing them. They appear in front of me as giant motion blurs, and my field of vision got progressively darker and darker. Of course, I couldn’t see them before, since they were everywhere except right in front of my face. I did what any rational person would… I ran, straight forward with the entire world in my blind spot. They say you’re supposed to run into the lake, but it doesn’t help when I’m in the middle of a fucking desert, does it? Luckily, these were lazy bees, weakened by the sloppy wet heat, and I outpaced them by the end of the block.

I am now giving myself therapy for my neck (but no beestings!) By the way, icy hot is not that icy, but it is MOTHERFUCKING HOT. I feel like someone cut open wounds in my neck and started stuffing habaneros in it. I remember in college we slathered icy hot in my roommates underwear and thought it was the funniest thing. What was I thinking? I’m lucky I wasn’t brought in for violating the Geneva Convention on that particular stunt. Dude, if you’re out there, I’m sorry. It was Rob’s idea. Really.

Stabby neck pain, bees and icy hot. I think a plague of frogs is next.

Posted in Endless Whining 6 Comments »

For my birthday a bunch of us went and ate.

Afterwards, a smaller cluster of us went to karaoke at Ding Dong Dang. The books there are impossible to negotiate, doubly so when the disco lights are flashing directly into your eyes. It wasn’t really until the 2nd hour that things really got going and by that time there was only four of us. But OH that 2nd hour. Being able to butcher Leonard Cohen’s “I’m Your Man,” the Boxtops’ (yay Alex Chilton) “The Letter” was strangely satisfying, and finding “Ice Ice Baby” as well as “It’s The End of the World As We Know It (and I Feel Fine)” felt like winning the lottery. Songs I couldn’t find? Glenn Campbell’s “Galveston” and The Outfield’s “Your Love.”

I also gave half a thought to doing “The Real Slim Shady,” but I didn’t think I could do it better than Cat Power’s karaoke version. Man, I would kill to go karaoke with Cat Power. Someone work on that for my birthday next year, OK?

Posted in Eratta No Comments »

I’m out in California, where the spring runs hot and cold…
If I told you I felt ageless, would you tell me I’m not old?

–

Han Trivia:

I was born on the same day that Mao Tse Tung died, September 9th, 1976. I think that means I’m his reincarnation. The resemblance: UNCANNY.

Posted in Endless Whining No Comments »

[09:40 PM] HanHateMe: you going to see vanilla ice tomorrow?
[09:42 PM] Charlie Chu: ?
[09:42 PM] HanHateMe: he’s playing hte knitting factory for free
[09:43 PM] Charlie Chu: you going?
[09:43 PM] Charlie Chu: take pictures
[09:43 PM] HanHateMe: fuck that
[09:43 PM] Charlie Chu: I wonder though
[09:43 PM] HanHateMe: if i could be guaranteed the vip posse
[09:43 PM] HanHateMe: i would go
[09:43 PM] Charlie Chu: wow
[09:44 PM] Charlie Chu: so hypothetically
[09:44 PM] Charlie Chu: if you got one of those shiny jaackets
[09:44 PM] Charlie Chu: that said “HQD VIP POSSE”
[09:44 PM] Charlie Chu: but had to give yourself that fucked up Vanilla Ice haircut
[09:44 PM] Charlie Chu: would you still go?
[09:44 PM] HanHateMe: uh, no
[09:44 PM] HanHateMe: i love the vip posse
[09:44 PM] HanHateMe: you know why?
[09:44 PM] HanHateMe: because it’s the Vanilla Ice Posse Posse
[09:44 PM] Charlie Chu: nice
[09:44 PM] HanHateMe: it’s the dumbest name ever
[09:45 PM] HanHateMe: Like PIN Number and ATM Machine
[09:45 PM] HanHateMe: The VIP Posse
[09:45 PM] Charlie Chu: you’ve put far too much thought into this

Posted in From Blown Speakers No Comments »

When I heard that Colin Meloy of the Decemberists was writing a book about The Replacement’s “Let it Be,” it sounded like a bit of a dream. One of my favorite songwriters getting to whack at one of my favorite albums just seemed too good to be true. It showed up in my mail and it was nothing like I expected.

First of all, it wasn’t really a book. The book itself is a little chapbook, about five inches high and a hundred pages deep. I could fit it in my pocket, and I found that I could actually finish it in the exact same time it took to play “Let It Be” from start to finish. I thought that was pretty nifty, like a low tech dvd commentary.

Meloy’s Decemberists aren’t anything like the Mats at all, but I was still expecting the book to mostly be analysis of Westerberg’s fine songwriting. I was pleased and disappointed to find that the book didn’t have much to do with the Replacements at all. Instead, Meloy gives us a memoir of his awkward middle school days in Helena, Montana, filling his tear filled nights with a beat up cassette of “Let it Be.” It’s nostalgic and just a little bit saccharine, but it’s also as close to a Meloy autobio as you’re likely to get.

Mustering all my bravery, I shut my eyes and began playing a choice selection of songs I had been taught by Al’s brother. I played “Sixteen Blue” and “God Save The Queen”; I played “Good Feeling” by the Violent Femmes, even humming the closing violin line. When I opened my eyes again, only a few of the girls were remaining, and most were talking amongst themselves. Phoebe had gone.

“Do you know ‘Patience?’” one asked.

A similar story is the only reason I can play “More Than Words” on guitar, by the way. Like his songs, Meloy’s put together a nice little read for all castaways and cutouts. Replacements fans, particularly ones that love the Mats raging attitude and drunken antics, should probably avoid this book at all costs.

Posted in Dogeared 4 Comments »

The Dirt
by Motley Crue

This was hyped to me as the greatest rock bio of all time, the most decadent piece of music-lit since Led Zeppelin’s Hammer of the Gods. This is all true. For the Behind the Music set, this has a truly staggering level of drug use and sexcapades. Imagine the four dumbest guys you know getting shitloads of money and carte blanche to be gigantic assholes with really bad hair and you get a good sense of the story. The book gets repetitive fast, and the only laughs I got towards the end were from Tommy Lee’s excessive use of the words “DUDE” and “BRO.”

I found myself subconsciously using BRO in every e-mail I wrote one week.

Posted in Dogeared 1 Comment »

You know, maybe Linus talked this one up a bit much, because Girl Next Door‘s not really that good. It’s got charming leads and a spectacular turn by Tim Olyphant as a menacing porno-pimp, but there’s something along the lines of 20 endings, including one about a really annoying Cambodian exchange student, which make the last half hour completely miserable.

Other random things that came to mind during the viewing:

Why do porn actresses need saving anyway? This movie has a surprisingly narrow and naive worldview.

There’s a documentary called Girl Next Door about a housewife becoming a famous pornstar. That may have been better.

Repeating “What’s the craziest thing you’ve done lately?” and “The juice is worth the squeeze” five times rob them of any significance they may have (if any).

The music choices have no rhyme or reason to them at all, other than the director thinking the songs were good.

If I were a pornstar, my name would almost certainly be Bangkok Dangerous.

Posted in Moving Pictures 3 Comments »