Moblog test

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After a quick round of Halo3 slayer my 360 croaked a couple of weeks ago. Anyone that owns an X-Box fears the dreaded red ring of death, where overheating causes the chips to deform and detach off the motherboard. Retailers estimate it affects about 30% of all units, anecdotal experience points to a figure north of that. This isn’t really news or anything, but if finally happened to me so I get to bitch about it now.

My current repair timeline:

October 7th
360 died, called into Microsoft. Not a terrible call, but tech support took 3 tries before getting all my info correctly.

October 11th
“The Coffin” arrives at work, I ship back the dead unit to Microsoft immediately. I get home and find 2 more coffins on my doorstep for the incorrectly opened trouble tickets.

October 15th
Dead X-Box received in TX.

I called in yesterday and it is still currently under repair. I’ve read some users getting a refurb unit being sent immediately, but apparently that didn’t happen for me. Microsoft is spending a billion dollars “fixing” this problem and yet they couldn’t cross-ship a working unit to me so that the turnaround time would be shorter than 4-6 weeks (that was the estimate given to me by tech support). Now I get to wait around while Microsoft is on the clock. Tick. Tock.

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So I log into Amazon today and the highlighted recommended purchase for me was this:

The Philips Home Defibrillator Kit

Does Amazon know something that I don’t? Should I lay off the bacon intake this week?

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Turning Twenty Nine. Probably only interesting if you were actually there, but I’ll take it.

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My replacement remote showed up in two days (I didn’t overnight it or anything), so my home entertainment life is whole once again. In celebration, TiVo and I went out, got drunk, played catch in the park, hung out on the swings and then jumped up and down in slow motion on a trampoline.

Then I watched me some TV and I paused and rewound just for the fucking hell of it, man. It was awesome.

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Bad:

Work Drama

Homie Drama

Bad back (does that count as Physical Drama?)

Completely hosed Fraction‘s website while trying to fix it

Got an awesome gift for Dan that promptly got LOST IN THE MAIL

Rain causes the bottom of my pants to be constantly wet

Friend’s grandpa had open heart surgery!

Good:

I LOVE ICY HOT

Finally got Fraction‘s site working once the lightbulb went off

Uh… UCLA Basketball picked up a few nice wins?

Oh yeah… friend’s grandpa was OK. In fact, he wanted to go to Roscoe’s.

So this week I’m -3. I’ve found that I’m generally +/- 0, which is just one of those weird karmic oddities. Yes. This is the kind of weak ass filler you will be seeing as I try and fill my once a week quota.

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I only have one real resolution that applies here: publish one thing for this blog and one thing for “I Hate the Kids” once a week.

This will slowly break down to twice a month and then once a month, but one should have goals.

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So right before the movie, I really needed to pee.

This isn’t uncommon, for me or anyone else with a functioning excretory system, I’d imagine. Anyway it was early, I was still kinda groggy, I had the ipod blaring and I was pretty much in my own world. A world where I needed to go.

I elbowed the door open, turned the corner, twisted to the right… no urinals. Well that’s fucked up. All the stall doors are closed. Well that’s kinda fucked up too. Bathroom smelled nice though, that was different. Flowery, hint of vanilla? Maybe I’ll just wash my hands and check my hair while I wait… but um… there’s a girl at the sink. What’s she doing here?

Oh, wait.

Fuck.

I opened my mouth just slightly to say something witty that would let me leave with some dignity intact. No dice. Locked up. It was harder to be a smartass when you’re this far behind enemy lines, you know? I turned on my heel and walked out to find the little caballero’s room and I could hear her giggling in the background.

note: in future retellings of this story, I’ll probably finish with her laughing at me and me peeing in my pants, for maximum embarassment. I am a minstrel of humiliation.

Oh, and before Axel asks… nah, she wasn’t that hot. Maybe that will change in future retellings as well.

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Literally. I must have slept in an awkward position because I woke up this morning and couldn’t turn my head left or right more than a few inches without a sharp stabbing feeling in the base of my neck. This has happened once before and went away in a day, so I’m not terribly worried.

That said, not being able to turn your head totally blows. I have virtually no peripheral vision, for one thing. For another, my head is in a semi-permanent tilt, like an inquisitive dog. The oddest thing is trying to go different directions. I first have to move my head a little bit to point me in the right direction, then I twist at my waist so my torso matches up and finally bring my hips around and start walking the right way. If I do it slowly enough, I look like Robocop. Linus told me I was like Michael Keaton’s Batman, turning my entire body just to face someone since my neck couldn’t twist. I prefer my nerd reference to his, but nerd lays in the eye of the beholder.

So anyway, I get through my day of work, walking like Robocop and talking to people like a retarded beast and head home. I’m about three feet outside my office when a woman points at me and yells “OH MY GOD, LOOK AT ALL THOSE BEES!” What? What the hell is she talking about? Then, I start seeing them. They appear in front of me as giant motion blurs, and my field of vision got progressively darker and darker. Of course, I couldn’t see them before, since they were everywhere except right in front of my face. I did what any rational person would… I ran, straight forward with the entire world in my blind spot. They say you’re supposed to run into the lake, but it doesn’t help when I’m in the middle of a fucking desert, does it? Luckily, these were lazy bees, weakened by the sloppy wet heat, and I outpaced them by the end of the block.

I am now giving myself therapy for my neck (but no beestings!) By the way, icy hot is not that icy, but it is MOTHERFUCKING HOT. I feel like someone cut open wounds in my neck and started stuffing habaneros in it. I remember in college we slathered icy hot in my roommates underwear and thought it was the funniest thing. What was I thinking? I’m lucky I wasn’t brought in for violating the Geneva Convention on that particular stunt. Dude, if you’re out there, I’m sorry. It was Rob’s idea. Really.

Stabby neck pain, bees and icy hot. I think a plague of frogs is next.

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I’m out in California, where the spring runs hot and cold…
If I told you I felt ageless, would you tell me I’m not old?

–

Han Trivia:

I was born on the same day that Mao Tse Tung died, September 9th, 1976. I think that means I’m his reincarnation. The resemblance: UNCANNY.

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