It has already been blung! (as seen on tv)

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After a disappointing opening day, the Dodgers took two easy wins from the hapless Giants and look like early favorites for the NL West crown. Hee-Seop Choi still can’t hit and Jose Valentin still can’t field, but those look like better bets to correct than the Giants suddenly getting younger or the Padres getting talent.

Random Observations:

Choi’s swing need a whole lot more work than it got this spring. He’s got huge holes in from front to back and it seems the advice to “be aggressive” has got him swinging at absolute junk more often.

While most shortstops convert to 3rd pretty easily, Valentin was a bad candidate to do so. He was a rangy error-prone shortstop, so 3rd is a position that cuts down his strengths (range to his left and right) and puts a spotlight on his weakness (consistent throws). He’s got the arm but is wilder than Nuke Laloush.

Hey we’ve got two sidearm pitchers now! Those guys are just fun to watch.

The Giants outfield defense is old and superslow. In game two there were about four balls that fell for hits, even though they were just lazy pop-ups. The Giants are just old in general. I think every player in their starting lineup is older than Paul DePodesta, the Dodgers general manager.

Anyhow… 159 games to go. Go get ‘em Blue.

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On my way home today, I see a guy dragging a 12 foot tall crucifix down the sidewalk. Swear to god! He had his shoulder underneath the intersection and was dragging it just like Jesus himself. It was right out of the Passion… except for one small thing. I noticed that at the bottom of the cross, there was a little wheel. A wheel!

What kind of half-assed crucifixion was this guy headed to? I predict that in the future, everyone will bear their crosses with assistance from a Segway.

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Dude A: Dude, they were huge. I was trying to convince her to go smaller, but she just wanted them bigger and bigger.
Dude B: Wait, like how big?
Dude A: 500cc’s?
Dude B: What does that mean? Is that like a D or something?
Dude A: It’s … egregious.
Dude B: That’s nuts.
Dude A: Yeah, I mean, she’s 75 years old.
Me, clearly not minding my own business: “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!?”

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So I’m IMing with Matt, and he he casually slips into conversation that there’s a patron saint of television reception. I immediately call bullshit, but you know what?

St. Clare of Assisi is the motherfucking patron saint of television! This includes reception, satellite, television workers and writers. St. Isadore, patron saint of the Internet and computer repair people. That’s my guy. Oh, and St. Sebastien? The Dodgers and Bruins could use some assistance.

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When did killing dolls become all the rage? First, in conjunction with the release of the Saw DVD, a Jigsaw Killer stuffed doll:

Never saw the movie, heard it was pretty assy. The doll looks vaguely retarded. Better though, is PETA’s Colonel Sanders bobblehead:

I know this is supposed to be be about the cruelty of KFC, but it kind of makes me want to get some fried chicken. That might just be me.

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The laces seem a bit shiny in this pic, but you get the idea. The official colors according to Puma are sesame and coffee, which makes the shoe sound tastier than you would think. They still taste like shoe.

Edit to Add: I’ve been trying all twenty-two lacing styles available on this site. Did you know you could lace up your shoes twenty-two different ways? I think I like straight-laced fashion style the most. I always knew it as that old fat-laced hip-hop style, but hey, a rose is still a rose.

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Hmmmmm. The Dodgers turbulent offseason finally concluded with Shawn Green packing his bags and heading to division rival Arizona, with the Dodgers receiving a few minor leaguers in return.

Admittedly, I’m not a huge Shawn Green fan. I’ve watched him weakly top the ball to 2nd base for years and I’m not going to really miss it. I don’t think I’d miss the losses of Beltre, Lima or Cora either, if they were isolated transactions. Taken as a whole though, the offseason was tough to take, as part after part of a division winner left town.

I can rationalize all the moves, and for the most part they make sense. But as a fan, I look at the lineup and ask, “WHO ARE THESE GUYS?” Luckily, the NL West is an awful division and a decent 90 win season will sneak us in the playoffs. Bring on spring training.

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OK, so there will be plenty written on the Red Sox and the Curse and congratulations to Red Sox Nation and all that… but can I bring up Tony LaRussa?

How many times can this guy lose the World Series in ignominious fashion? He has the one ring from ’89, but that was sandwiched by a 4-1 series loss to the inferior Dodgers and another sweep by a lesser Reds team. Now he’s been swept again! I don’t think he’s made any critical managerial errors, but at the same time his teams have barely shown up at all. Is he too tactical to be inspiring? I have no idea. It’s totally weird.

The sweep was a pretty lackluster finish to a pretty spectacular baseball season. The ALCS in particular was about as good as baseball gets. Also note: the Red Sox under Theo Epstein are the first Moneyball-style World Champion. Hopefully the Cubs will win soon so they can quit whining too.

Oh, and go Dodgers.

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I think this sign single handedly reversed the curse and started the greatest choke of all time. (via lockhartsteel)

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